The Kraken
The Kraken is a brand of rum that I in no way recommend drinking in excess, as it is very powerful. But long before I may or may not have made that mistake – all the way back to antiquity, in fact – legends told of a creature that went by many names, though we know it today as the kraken.
Olaus’ imagining of the fiend comes as a part walrus part cephalopod amalgam, with its strangely placed tentacles and large eyes like those of the giant or colossal squid. It’s a beast whose roots trace back to Norwegian tales of the hafgufa, more of a giant fish than a squid, with habits of sudden disappearance like that of the island whale and a propensity for belching. In time that beast morphed into a squid or octopus, with a bishop by the name of Erich Pontoppidan describing it in great detail in 1755, saying it was "about an English mile and a half in circumference" with arms as long as ship masts.
Not that I think you shouldn't ever go in the ocean again, but just to be safe, you should never go in the ocean again, because the kraken kinda exists. Two types of kraken, actually: the giant squid and the colossal squid, which are quite capable of ruining your day. Both can grow to over 40 feet long. Giant squid have hundreds of serrated suckers, and to that the colossal squid is like, aw that's cute. Because its suckers hold swiveling hooks. I'm not kidding.
